I had a dream this morning, the last one before I woke up, maybe around 6 am.
I dreamt that I flew to Europe to meet up with you. I was so happy to see you, it had been so long. You were happy, too.
We went to a market of sorts, an indoor market that you might be more likely to find in Asia. Maybe like the silk market in Beijing, but not as well lit.
You found a pair of jeans you liked, and asked me to buy them for you. I agreed, and when the guy rung them up at the register, the credit card machine said €1,534.41. I was shocked, and saddened that you weren't. I paid, because that's what you wanted.
We got into a little bit of an argument, and we had to walk away.
I came to find you, and you told me that you hated me. Two things happened simultaneously: the bottom dropped out of my stomach, and the hole was filled with dirty gravel.
I had to tell you that if you didn't mean it, you should apologize.
You apologized, but I had to tell you.
I woke up heartbroken.
Yeah, I should have seen it earlier - I wanted to. But circumstances didn't quite work out.
But then I saw it, and as much as I loved it, I also was forced, sadly, to lament that it's maybe barely broken even at this point almost a month after its release. This should be a billion dollar movie, people. This is so much better than any Marvel movie since Iron Man. (And, probably better than Iron Man anyway.) Definitely better than any DC movie, period. Or any monsterverse movie (this does not count Godzilla Minus One, or Monarch the tv show - though again this is probably better than either of those, and make no mistake I loved both). Or anything that pushes CGI garbage, giving you the illusion that you're watching a live action film when really you're watching a hypnotoad cartoon.
Here is an incomplete list of reasons why this movie is amazing:
1a. Ryan Gosling - Baby Goose is in his best form since Nice Guys or Crazy Stupid Love (and also Drive, though he is much less intense here).
1b. Emily Blunt - talk about the perfect foil for the guy who has everything - she has everything too!
1ab. Ryan Gosling + Emily Blunt - this is very very believable onscreen chemistry and you root like hell for this couple to make it.
2. The love letter to practical stunts and the people who perform them - it's all just so impressive to watch this series of escalating dangerous situations, crafted solely for our benefit. Plus, there's a paragraph in the letter to stunt dogs and c'mon, this good boy kills it. (Incidentally, for a Canadian Baby Goose's French is not so hot.)
3. The love letter to movie making - it's two love letters, and one is to the actual movie making process. It's all so meta, with the talk of split screens and oners and all that, but then there's watching the team of cameras on all sorts of vehicles capturing the stunt vehicles and the stunties. It shows us what a director does, what a producer does, what on the fly script changes look like, all that stuff. It's very cool. It's not original, to show the show within (or around) a show, but it's fascinating and eminently watchable the way they present it. Also, see 1b.
4. It's very funny. I lol'ed multiple times. Overall it's just very, very entertaining.
There's other stuff as well: the rest of the cast (Winston Duke I see you), the soundtrack (so much KISS - but the real gem was the original Fall Guy theme in the credits).
I really cannot recommend it enough, and I really am sad that this didn't make a billion dollars. It's movies like this that deserve recognition so that more movies like this get made.
Please people, I implore you to go see this movie in the theatre if possible. THE FALL GUY!!
I repeat: SHOGUN!
This show, in this era, in the last decade of the most decadent and beautiful and tragic and incredibly crafted and stacked with acting talent and imagination television. In and out of all of it, this show has risen, I believe, to claim the crown of best TV show ever.
And look, I'm not trying to dance around like a fool waving war fans made out of hot take clickbait (to my single digit readership) when I say this. It is not said lightly. Also, I recognize that I am caught in the afterglow of pillowing, having just finished the series last night - and maybe I'm about to be descended upon by shinobi wearing such flags as the Sopranos or Mad Men (in my mind they are probably wearing the Americans logo). But there is nothing, there is absolutely nothing about this show that does not rate below 10/10.
Here is a non-exhaustive list of things it 10s out of 10:
Yeah this is late. This has been sitting in drafts since December. So sue me.
Here's my list of favourite shows from 2023. It may be incomplete because let's face it, there's a heck of a lot of tv shows released every year and since they're all streamed, I frankly can't remember when exactly they were released and/or concluded. Anyway.
The Bear - loved season 2. Loved it. I wrote a separate post about Syd's day off (with a narcissistic twist, natch), but the episodes on Marcus, on Richie, and on Christmas were all so incredibly good. Each one of those episodes is a triumph to be lauded, and they all happened in the same 10 episode season which is a capital A Achievement.
Party Down - loved season 3. Loved it. I was scared that I would miss Lizzy Caplan too much, because obviously Casey and Henry's chemistry is a huge part of what sold and drove the show previously. But you know what, Jennifer Garner is terrific and delightful. Plus I already loved Zoe Chao, and Tyrel Jackson Williams held up to the rest of them really well. He was LOL good! And also, the twist at the end made me ache and yearn for season 4, so well done there producers.
Blue Eye Samurai - love Maya Erskine so much. Love the animation style so much. It's one of the most beautiful, rich, striking, you name it - animated shows to look at, it and the Bad Batch. But the story is very good as well, engrossing, and the cast. But Maya Erskine man, she is on a heater.
Monarch: Legacy of Monsters - speaking of heaters, Anna Sawai anyone?? Man alive, I watched Pachinko finally (not a 2023 show, more below) and noticed her for the first time in her small but impactful role. And then Monarch comes out, and while the main draw I would say is the Russells' casting (not quite Yellowjackets level of casting because obviously they're related - but pretty damn great), Anna Sawai is AWESOME. She's mesmerizing. But also, you know what, I was subjected to the Kong vs Godzilla trailer before a movie recently and holy moly, is this show ever NOT about that crap. It is, obviously, and it takes place in that universe (the movie universe is directly referenced in the show), but I don't think two properties out of the same family could be any different. I guess Marvel (Iron Man or Loki vs Falcon and Winter Soldier or whatever that last Ant Man thing was) or DC (any movie vs Poison Ivy or Peacemaker) stuff, where one thing is so good and one other thing is so bad. Note to studios: the character centric piece is always the good one, and the generic CGI garbage is the bad one.
The Last of Us - what else is there to say? The power of the Pedro. And yeah, I love seeing Melanie Lynskey pop up whenever and wherever she can. But Pedro, he's the man. And cannibals, I mean, are there ever worse villains than cannibals? The spore peeps aren't even really that bad, you just gotta play the quiet game! But cannibals, you know. No one wants to be eaten. But also Bella Ramsey - the mall episode was a great episode of tv. Anyway, don't be reduced to an ear on the floor, Bella Ramsey.
The Diplomat - I was unsure prior to watching this whether I'd like it. A dialog driven show about political horse-trading is not my usual go-to. But Keri Russell is stellar, as she was in the Americans - not the same, but similarly strong and compelling, and you want to root for her. And I did.
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (plus honourable mention to Picard s3*) - Anson Mount's Captain Pike is, I think, the best captain since Picard - but the crew is the best crew since dare I say TOS? And the Spock and Nurse Chapel thing is electric! And the musical episode, I mean c'mon, I am an absolute sucker for musical episodes**. But mostly the Spock Chapel will they won't they, with wise old dad Captain Pike watching over them all. That's comfort, folks.
*Fan service done to perfection, is what Picard s3 was.
**It's really mostly Once More With Feeling, the Buffy musical episode.
Beef - some of my friends didn't love it, or even like it enough to finish it, which surprised me. Some loved it. I loved it. I loved Steven Yeun's impotent rage, which I guess I related to, certainly in my younger years. I loved when he went to church and fell awash to his emotions, which I could not relate to, though very much enjoyed watching play out, and empathized or maybe celebrated (the feelings, not the church). I loved the wild ride of it all, with all the shocking escalations right through to the trippy denoument. But mostly the impotent rage felt by these visible minorities, that drew me in.
Warrior - and the opposite, the potent rage of these Chinese immigrant BMFs. Wow. What a way to go out! Yes I'm sad they had to end their run, damn you low ratings. But the production value and the stories of despair from both from the Chinese and Irish factions, the people being trod upon, and the father son story, and the blood vs found family story (stories?), Chao's story!, hell the whole southern side trip with Chao and Lee, and the Hong and the lounge singer story too. Strong exit, my brothers. Sad to see you go, but what a mark you left.
Honourable mentions: Silo, Scavengers Reign (what an imagination), Pachinko (yes this was from 2022 and should have been on that list, I didn't get around to watching it until this year - and it is indeed phenomenal), Poker Face, Jury Duty (just, I mean, Ron Gladden was caught on camera being a damned saint, is really the only reason why), Midnight Mass (also from yesteryear (2021), but everyone was clamouring about House of Usher and I watched it, and frankly it was meh - but seeking out answers as to why Mike Flanagan was so popular, a friend suggested I watch Midnight Mass which was his favourite, so I did, and I loved it), Barry, Fargo (solid season thanks to Juno Temple and also the friggin sin eater).
Shows others loved but I thought let's just be friends: Dead Ringers (I have a real problem watching shows where everyone is detestable), I'm a Virgo.
Special mentions: Yellowjackets - man alive I wanted to like s2 more but I guess it's just real hard to follow up such a phenomenal debut season. Same goes for Our Flag Means Death.
I still haven't watched Reservation Dogs yet, which I know is a mistake. I also haven't watched Succession, but much like Game of Thrones, I probably never will.
2024 is already shaping up to be very solid (SHOGUN!! with Anna Sawai!!), so stay tuned when I release that list in July 2025.
a. has this critic not already decided who should have been labeled as good and who was bad (the answer is, they have), and if so, why do they need straight up exposition on this?
And b. what is this gross self-righteousness to say the film is diminished or even ruined (?!) because they weren't told who is good and who is bad, because clearly the bad guys are the bad guys and you are gutless if you can't say who the bad guys are,
And c. if you're so blinded to the message, the beauty or the achievement of the movie because of the lack of political labeling, then you should not be a movie critic,
And d. e. f. and fucking z. already. Z. being shut up.
If your view is this could have been a great movie, if only Alex Garland put red or blue patches on the soldiers, but since he did not it's garbage, you need to shut up.
As I said, my mistake for clicking on the article. Please, people, don't click on any more articles about Civil War. But do see the movie, because it's amazing.
Sometimes though, I am admittedly confused by a pick (Solomon Thomas). Sometimes it's obvious and no questions need to be asked (Nick Bosa), and sometimes it turns out to be a fantastic if somewhat surprising pick (Brandon Aiyuk, in one of their best trade ups ever).
We all know they like to take swings on WR (Pettis, Hurd, Danny Grey) and they sure like to take special teamers early. But for the most part, they know more than I do so I watch and I speculate and sometimes I cheer and sometimes I scratch my head.
So the selection of Ricky Pearsall was surprising because a. no one projected him as a first round pick - if the mock was a WR at 31, it tended to be Ladd McConkley - and b. with all the BA and to a lesser extent Deebo trade talk, this obviously only heated all that BS up. (Please don't trade them, guys.)
My best guess is they keep BA and Deebo, and Shanny, ever the innovator, wants to run 4 WR sets this season - with Jauan as the 4th, and with Kittle at right side TE. He can line Deebo up in the backfield too, or he can replace Deebo with CMC. I think this would truly strike fear into opposing defenses, depending on how deep and how talented in coverage their safeties and linebackers are.
Now, they could have already done this formation with CMC in the backfield, BA and Jauan out wide and Deebo in the slot (or JJ in the slot and Deebo out wide). Technically. Which means they see something in Pearsall's slot skills that already surpasses what we have on the team already. A lot of analysts list route running as Ricky's biggest asset, along with sure hands.
Well let's hope so, Niners fans. Cause I sure as heck wanted a tackle in the first round. (I know the best prospects were already taken, but a guy like Kingsley Suamataia for example, I've read about, and I don't think he's gonna fall to 63.)
One thing Lynch has is nine remaining picks, and we probably don't need all of those, so I'm still hoping for a Day 2 trade up. Maybe we can still snatch a solid OT prospect (Suamataia, or there is a bit of Roger Rosengarten buzz), or a CB like Cooper DeJean or Rakestraw. Actually at this point a trade up for a solid CB prospect would be great, then maybe we can snag a project like Rosengarten in round 3. But I mean, we can't actually rely on Shanny and Lynch's late round magic every year. Can we??
I saw Civil War last night. I'm a pretty big Alex Garland fan, starting with the Beach which is one of my favourite novels (never saw the movie, which he did not write, and from all accounts is not at all like the book). I also loved Ex Machina, and I really liked 28 Days Later. I thought Men was okay, and sort of liked parts of Annihilation (which, in reverse of the Beach, he wrote the movie script for - and changed the story I think for the worse - whereas the original novel not written by him is phenomenal. In his (or someone's? no one's?) defense, I don't really see how someone could read that book and then try to make a movie out of it). The Tesseract was meh. Devs was a no for me.
But I like where he writes from. But while his can hit the home run, he has a higher swing and miss or swing and chunk rate - and based on some lukewarm to negative reviews out there, I thought this might be a slight chunk.
I don't really want to say too much about the movie itself, as this is truly one where it's best enjoyed going in as cold as possible. And the thing is, a lot of it is, if not telegraphed then at least pretty standard and predictable. The major things that happen certainly, the story / plot points, these are not the surprises. Y'all can guess what's coming.
Doesn't even matter though. I loved it. I'm still thinking about it, and I'm not even sure why. (Okay I sort of know, but it's not for any of the reasons that any review, positive or negative, has focused on so far.)
To everyone who's complaining that he does not take a (left wing) stand, that the movie is meaningless if it's just sits astride the political fence: you have missed the point completely. You went in with a preconceived notion of what the movie was going to be, it wasn't that, and that's your complaint. You swung and missed.
Again, not to throw too much out there, but the movie is about Kirsten Dunst's character Lee, not Nick Offerman's president. And Kirsten Dunst, well this is gonna be an Oscar nomination I'm pretty sure. She's just phenomenal.
Cailee Spaeny is good, mostly. Wagner Moura (Pablo Escobar!) is good almost entirely. But Kirsten Dunst, holy moly.
(Cinematographer Rob Hardy also deserves some pretty major praise.)
Anyway, look. What I'm trying to say is, go in with open mind, because I can almost guarantee you'll walk out having seen something you weren't expecting to.
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By the by, during our screening, there's a scene where someone offers to buy something for $300 CANADIAN (as opposed to US dollars or whatever the currency of the seceded states). Literally everyone cheered, and one guy near the front screamed, "YEAH! FINALLY!" It was just another example of why going to the movies beats watching at home.
*Incidentally, these past couple weeks I've been witness to the great Dakota Johnson don't give a f unsheathing, and she's glorious. Previously I hadn't really given her much thought one way or another, but guess what, turns out she's great.
In this movie, Dakota Johnson is not great. Or is she? I like to thing she is, because like, what we see on screen, was that her intention? I think maybe it was! To just be 100% wtf am I doing here, what is happening to me, these lines are terrible, this script should not have been approved, green screen acting is wacky. Yes, this is conveyed perfectly, Dakota! I get it! I see you!
The script. For real, it's not good and in no universe would someone say yes let's spend $80 million to make this. Which is why I think maybe it was Sony's intention to make this movie the way they did, so they end up with this word of mouth cult eventual drinking game thing that lives on long past its tomato-meter.
The supporting cast has universally been called out for indifferent work as well, but I strongly disagree. Sydney Sweeney in particular I think just nails it - and I'm not a Sydney Sweeney stan (if I was, I promise you I would have watched the Voyeurs). But her timid school mouse archetype portrayal of her character was so good. Yes it was one note, they're all one note (script), but she does a fantastic job with what she's given. She out-acts the role. She put way more on screen than what was written on the page, I'm sure.
And hey marketing, I didn't even realize Adam Scott was in this movie until he appeared on screen about seven minutes in. And he too is acting, he's working the best he can with what he's given. Which, spoiler, is freaking Uncle Ben - Peter Parker's father figure and male role model. So it should be a huge part, or could be a huge part. It's not a huge part, it's again very generic and almost gives no nod to its importance. Who cares, says Adam Scott, let's roll camera and do this the same way we did Piranha 3D!
So in summary, go watch Madame Web, don't go watch Madame Web, Dakota Johnson don't give a f.
Okay I'll add a bit more. I am biased, I am a lifelong Niners fan. I want the Niners to win so badly, for Kyle and for Trent Williams and Deebo and Kittle and Fred Warner and Armstead, for all the players, for Brock Purdy (knowing full well that idiots will continue to slam him even if they put up 40 points) just so he can complete the Rudy.
There's no one on the Chiefs that I can say that about. 'Cause they've already got rings! I like Andy Reid, I have since Philly; heck, I don't even dislike Patrick Mahomes, or Kelce or Chris Jones. But they have rings.
I want Kyle to get that ring, man. I feel like he needs it more than any other human on Earth right now. I want him to even the score with KC, let the universe settle back to a balanced axis. Then we can talk about legacies, and then we can talk about next year.
So go get that ring, Kyle! GET IT!
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In actuality, while obviously Shanahan and all the coaches will be instrumental in the outcome of the game, what it will boil down to, I believe, is Deebo or Kittle or CMC willing a touchdown to happen, and Fred or Bosa or that crazy ass rollercoaster Big Play Dre - or maybe poetically Mooney Ward, who won the last SB matchup between these two teams (as a Chief), making a game sealing sack or pick. It will be a player, or a couple players on either side, willing this win into existence. I'm nervous as hell. It's hard to beat Patrick Mahomes. But I feel that the team wants this so, so badly, for themselves and for each other and for Kyle.
