A friend of mine recently introduced me to The Krampus. I'd never heard of this creature before. Until recently, neither had he. I see from Wikipedia that it was mentioned on Stephen Colbert the other week, but who really watches that show?
Krampus, you horrible troll, where have you been all my life?
As the aforementioned friend is the father of daughters, he has up until now been working at a disadvantage to Austrians and other Teutons everywhere. Apparently the Krampus has a thing for terrorizing little girls in particular (I am unable to find any reference to "birching" of little boys, no matter what degree of little shits they are). And, being the father of a daughter myself, I am now fortunately armed with the ability to stem any and all further bad behaviour.
The Krampus!
Let me just show you a little from Wikipedia:
St Nikolaus (window, left) is a jolly old soul. The Krampus, aka Darth Maul, not so much. Bad for you, you bad fucking Fraulein.(Also, Austria / whoever painted this picture has to sue George Lucas for a zillion dollars. Has to.)
This one is even better:
Everyone runs in terror except for Dad, who's just chillin' and smokin' some dope shit. And once again, St Nikolaus is an impotent bastard for not intervening on the evil troll from Led Zeppelin 4 who's abso-fucking-lutely going to make that little boy love the Battle of Evermore.
Ah, I can actually feel my Christmas spirits being lifted. Suddenly I understand that old line, "It's the most wonderful time of the year."
Merry Christmas everybody!
