What I'm Gonna Waste My Eyeballs On This Summer (Small Screen)

Those folks over at UPROXX put together a summer viewing / premier schedule which is super helpful, but not as helpful as if they found out what channels everything's gonna be on in Canada, and then paid for any channels not currently in my cable package (HBO), and then programmed my PVR for me.

Just kidding. It'd probably be better if I just ignored most of these shows.

Because seriously, I watched The Strain last summer and holy shit it was awful. And like many of the commenters in the UPROXX article, I watched till season's end. Why? Because I'm stupid, and it's stupid, and somehow it linked up a bluetooth stupid TV to stupid human cortex interface. It's all rotting garbage. Except for the rat exterminator. Why, Guillermo, why?

Hannibal, on the other hand, I'm just so goddamn on the edge of my seat for season three to start. It's the best show on TV (I haven't watched True Detective, it's true - but I really don't see how something could surpass Hannibal). Yes I went in biased because I love the (first two) books (and to some extent the other two) as well as the Silence of the Lambs and Red Dragon movies. Yet, shouldn't those high expectations have set me up for a huge fall? Well, they did not. The show is beautiful and written well and acted superbly and also everything sounds spooky and great. The production values are amazing, it's a mini movie every week. Hell, I ended up writing a whole FAWM 12 song concept album about Hannibal. Bryan Fuller do you hear me yet?? Fund my album please!

Here's the season three trailer (get ready for lots of Dana Scully, people!):



Speaking of Scully, I will similarly give Aquarius a go just because Fox Mulder is such a charming bastard. Damn you and your hatred for Vancouver's wet climate, you charming bastard!

Sense8, Dark Matter, Mr Robot (? maybe ??), Humans, I might give them a try (if I can find the corresponding Canadian network) again because I'm stupid and place disproportionate value on science fiction (see the Strain above). That said, I have three seasons of Orphan Black and The Americans (not sci-fi, I know) on my PVR (not to mention a season and a bit of the Bridge (American) plus a slew of stuff on the Netflix) that I can pretty much guarantee would make for better viewing than any of those shows. Maybe I wasn't built for binge-watching, and that's why all that good TV is still just sitting there.

Comedies:

Blunt Talk with Captain Picard? YES PLEASE. I mean, look a this. The man knows comedy.

Why? With Hannibal Burress? YES PLEASE. I saw Hannibal Burress live a couple months ago, holy moly it was the most surreal ... thing ... that I've seen for a long time. It was stand-up, but it was also performance art, and basically just a whole lot of fucking with your senses and sensibilities (differently than how Jane Austin did it). But he was brilliant and hilarious.

Also, lobsters - who knew?

Wet Hot American Summer? Yes please. Yeah, I'm curious, just not all-caps enthused like the previous two. I've never seen the movie but the cast is pretty great, so. (Speaking of, and as an aside, where can I find Party Down in viewable form??)

Bojack Horseman, yes well season one is still in the Netflix queue. Rick & Morty, I've heard good things but damned if I know which channel if any it plays on here. Key & Peele, yeah every once in awhile I catch them on Comedy Network and it's funny in the way sketch shows are. Which is to say, it hits and misses.

In Summary:

Must see TV (drama): Hannibal, True Detective (must get season one first), maybe Aquarius.
Must see TV (comedy): Blunt Talk, Why? (Hannibal), Wet Hot American Summer maybe.

I guess putting 'Hannibal' in your title guarantees my viewership.