the one and only

A friend and I were discussing only children earlier, and he sent me this list of famous only children. It's pretty interesting. Misconceptions or not, my impressions of only children, using that great generalization method that I love, are as follows: receive extraordinary amount of parental attention, leading to over-achievements (or let's say higher-achievements), but also without sibling competition for said attention a skewed sense of place in the world.

Is that wrong? I think it can be, for sure. But check out this list. Again, it's pretty fascinating.

The One And Only_1: Famous Only Children

(And obviously I'm hoping for a Natalie Portman, or Joe Montana but of the LPGA, or da Vinci, or even Sir Isaac Newton. Alicia Keys, maybe. Or Betty White, what the hell. Please please please not Laura Bush, and to be clear, it's not a political issue - because even worse would be Tipper "Parental Advisory" Gore!)

xmas - belated

Yeah I know it's February.

Wait, it's F'ing February already?!?

Breesus, what has happened to time?

Anyway, before I forget, the thing to the left was my favourite Xmas present. Well, actually it was the best present my daughter got. But it's a good one.

Tina Fey does Sesame Street! Uh, that sounded a lot worse, and weirder than I could possibly intend, poor Tina. But, yeah, Tina Fey on Sesame Street!

It's bizarre to see, but on the other hand, why can't a father and daughter enjoy some quality time watching a dvd together? This just facilitates it.

Oh, check out the best part: you can see Tina's thoughts! And, Ms Fey, behave yourself, please. At least for now...

Um. Hm.

Yeah. Okay. Just stepping back, taking an objective look at the situation, the pirate outfit and the muppets. Maybe this has officially gotten too weird.

it's the most wonderful time of the year

A friend of mine recently introduced me to The Krampus. I'd never heard of this creature before. Until recently, neither had he. I see from Wikipedia that it was mentioned on Stephen Colbert the other week, but who really watches that show?

Krampus, you horrible troll, where have you been all my life?

As the aforementioned friend is the father of daughters, he has up until now been working at a disadvantage to Austrians and other Teutons everywhere. Apparently the Krampus has a thing for terrorizing little girls in particular (I am unable to find any reference to "birching" of little boys, no matter what degree of little shits they are). And, being the father of a daughter myself, I am now fortunately armed with the ability to stem any and all further bad behaviour.

The Krampus!

Let me just show you a little from Wikipedia:

St Nikolaus (window, left) is a jolly old soul. The Krampus, aka Darth Maul, not so much. Bad for you, you bad fucking Fraulein.

(Also, Austria / whoever painted this picture has to sue George Lucas for a zillion dollars. Has to.)













This one is even better:

Everyone runs in terror except for Dad, who's just chillin' and smokin' some dope shit. And once again, St Nikolaus is an impotent bastard for not intervening on the evil troll from Led Zeppelin 4 who's abso-fucking-lutely going to make that little boy love the Battle of Evermore.
















Ah, I can actually feel my Christmas spirits being lifted. Suddenly I understand that old line, "It's the most wonderful time of the year."

Merry Christmas everybody!

cost : benefit ratio you won't even believe

I love yahoo, it's so awesome. It's the best web-based email server. How can it be considered better than gmail, you ask? 'Cause every day features at least one awesome life-coach-type of magazine article on the front page where you sign in. And I don't know how they do it, but they offer their always-incredible advice for free!

Let's check today's feature, shall we?

Oh goody!








Best-paying jobs in America:

1. Chris Rock
2. actor from Grey's Anatomy
3. being a white male



Insightful!

I'm positive no one drew this with his greasy fingers

Christ visiting a Florida hospital window? Whatever. Jesus on a grilled cheese? Dude, so yesteryear! Naw, man, the messiah has moved onto this dude's Isuzu.

kids are amazingly perceptive

Miley Cyrus voted worst celebrity influence of 2009, even beating out Britney and Kanye.

kind of heartwarming

Football is an amazingly brutal sport, both physically and mentally. A guy like Vince Young rides into the league with only the highest of expectations, and is now and has been for two years relegated to side-car status, being driven around by a pretty marginal QB in Kerry Collins.

Anyway, I digress. What impresses me and restores my faith in humanity - and professional athletes - is that for all the horrible stories of murders and DUIs and general stupidity, once in a while there emerges a pretty heartwarming counter-story.

Steve McNair, the man was obviously not a saint, but he was a man who contributed to his community. So it's good to see that Vince Young is contributing back to the McNair household. This story actually almost, almost brought a tear to my eye. Weird.

the F factor

Question: How does John Mayer pull like he does? I mean seriously people, have you seen or heard John Mayer? I never knew he was the inspiration for Seth Rogen's character in the 40 Year Old Virgin. And yet look at his resume - now I'm not sure what the deal is with Jessica Simpson, but the others, the others. And now Kristin Cavallari, whoever that is.

So ladies, please be honest, is it because fame + plain looks + mediocre musical talent = crazy Spanish Fly? Because hey, if so, I got two out of three already, so apparently I just needs me a bit more fame.

iphone

So I got an iPhone, mostly because I wanted to not carry a phone and an iPod around anymore. I also don't want to have to carry a murse. You know what, guys really have it hard these days.

Anyway, the iPhone - it's like I got an escort. It's achingly pretty, it really boosts my ego to be seen with it... but the costs for all the extra good stuff! Kay-rist!

Which reminds me, I will need a new condom. Voice-memo to self: stop by London Drugs at lunch to search the bargain bins. Slightly used okay.

-----
Bonus material: iphone - will it blend?



Ha!

emotion soup

Not to get too emotional or anything, because hey, I'm still a dude - but is the Jaycee Dugard saga the most horrific and heartbreaking and hopeful thing you've ever heard? That is some damned crazy shit right there.

My blind hatred for a human I've never met peaks with the mention of Philip Garrido; it's physically sickening to even think about losing a child like that. It's beyond the fact that you don't want to think about such a thing, you really just can't. You can't make yourself think about it. To ask is to ask the impossible.

And yet, when I read this story, it's so inspiring: the resilience of humans, and the sense of peace that must be washing over this family these days like a tide. The world is such a messed up place, and yet we persevere.

Anyway, back to robots, zombies, and the NFL.